I'd rather be a Knight
by Kayxxx
Summary: This was a mini story that I originally published in "Answered questions and what ifs" but I have had some requests to post this as a story on its own to make it easier to access and so here it is...What happened in Cal's past that caused him to hate his father so much? DISCLAIMER: I don't own Casualty or any Casualty characters, but I do own any characters you don't recognise.
1. Chapter 1

**"Why does Cal hate his father?"**

 **I've always wanted to do a story more based around Cal and so I'm quite looking forward to writing this one. The first chapter of this story is based in the present day and the rest will be told through flash backs of Cal and Ethan's, I really hope you all enjoy, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter One

"I still can't believe I beat you on the FCEM exams Nibbles" Cal spoke smugly as they stood in the staff room, Ethan rolled his eyes knowingly, "you know, I've got a lot of revision books that I used with Tess if you want them for your resit" Cal proposed.

Ethan shook his head in disbelief "I think you're forgetting you still failed Caleb, you only got a few poxy points more than me" Ethan replied as he sipped on his coffee.

Cal's face lit up, "a few?!" He spat out excitedly.

Ethan realised he'd forgotten his own lie, " _this is why I never lie_ " the thought to himself, "Oh no um, I meant one, just one" he replied awkwardly.

"No no no little brother you just slipped up!" Cal argued with a huge grin on his face, "how many did I beat you by? Five? Ten? Twenty?! Maybe even a whole grade?!" Cal urged.

"Does it really matter?" Ethan shrugged, he didn't want to make up another lie to cover up his previous lie that he had just blown to pot leaving him with the possibility of probably blowing this new lie to pot too, complication overload!

"No, you know what it doesn't" Cal replied responsibly, Ethan looked at him warily, "we both still failed, the points between us don't matter looking at it realistically, at least now we know how tough the exams can be eh? Start preparing for resits, Live and let learn that's what I say" he announced uncharacteristically causing everyone in the room to stop and look at him in confusion.

"Good" Ethan nodded, quite stunned by his brother's mature announcement.

"Who am I kidding I beat Nibbles woo!" Cal burst out excitedly into a cheer on his on accord Ethan sighed deeply and shook his head with a smile, of course Cal's maturity would only last for a few mere seconds.

"Cal?" Robyn chuckled.

"Do you understand how great that feels to say?" Cal questioned, "I beat the little wiz kid" he joked as he pulled Ethan into a head lock and ruffled his hair.

"Alright alright that's enough of that" Ethan laughed as he managed to free himself from his older brother's grasp as their colleagues watched on with grins on their faces.

Ethan conducted himself again, fixing his glasses straight on his face and patting down his hair.

"Don't worry Doctor Hardy, I'm sure you'll pass next time" Cal joked.

"Or, at least get better than you Doctor Knight" Ethan replied sarcastically.

"You know, that's something about you two that I've always wondered" Lofty spoke out.

"What?" Cal and Ethan replied simultaneously.

"Are you half brothers?" Lofty asked.

"No?" Ethan replied warily.

"Step brothers?" Max joined in.

"No" Cal chuckled.

"So you have the same parents?" Robyn asked.

"Yes" Ethan replied.

"So...why have you got different surnames?" Lofty asked.

Cal and Ethan exchanged glances.

Ethan opened his mouth to talk but Cal cut him off quickly.

"I took my mother's maiden name" he stated.

"Ohhh okay, everything makes sense now!" Lofty replied awkwardly.

"Well, not everything..." Max spoke mischievously as he looked through the cupboards.

Cal sighed deeply, "I hated my father if you must know, I didn't want anything to do with him or the label of his surname for the rest of my life" Cal explained.

"Why did you hate him?" Robyn asked.

Ethan looked toward his older brother sympathetically.

"It's a _very_ long story" Cal shrugged.

"It's okay!" Max replied as he pulled something out of the cupboards, "we have popcorn!" He announced as he held it up. Max took his seat on the couch in between Lofty and Robyn offering them the popcorn and awaiting Cal's story.

"Really?" Cal sighed, "you really have nothing better to do than to listen about my messed up childhood?" He asked in disbelief.

"Nope, it's tragic. Back to you" Max replied.

"Cal..." Ethan began but Cal cut him off.

"No, you know what I think it's time" He announced, Ethan looked at him in shock, "why don't you take a seat Nibbles, have some popcorn" Cal suggested jokingly. Ethan took a seat beside Robyn on the couch.

"Right, where do I begin?" Cal asked.

"Tell us about your dad" Robyn spoke as she shoved some popcorn into her mouth.

"My dad...well, he was a very high-powered lothario ED doctor-" Robyn cut him off.

"Woah sounds like someone else we know" she chuckled.

"Yes, I'll admit we do share those traits but he was much _much_ more of an idiot." Cal replied bluntly.

"He worked constantly and when I say constantly, I mean, _constantly._ But not because it brought in money for the family - no, it was so he could get _away_ from the family...or away from me" Cal began.

"I didn't actually realise that until _very_ later on" Ethan butted in.

"He hated me from day one, my father, not Ethan- his hatred for me grew progressively" he winked causing Ethan to smirk.

"There was something about me that my father just hated. I was a very, let's say...energetic kid, very adrenaline fuelled- since I was tiny that was just my personality and that was the thing my father hated. I would rather go and play football or run around the park than sit down and read a book which was his favourite past time, whereas I couldn't sit still for ten minutes. He always saw me as an underachiever, he'd say that to my face, it was like he wanted me to fail in life. When this little ray of sunshine that was know as Ethan was born, dad finally got his idea of a 'perfect' child, which only caused him to hate me his 'underachiever' even more..." His voice trailed off.

"To be fair I was a bit of a failure in my first five or so years" Ethan reasoned causing Cal to laugh.

"This guy had the biggest tonsils I have ever seen in my whole entire life, they were humongous! I have never come across tonsils that big since, even as a doctor" Cal smirked.

"Okay we have to see these, open up!" Robyn spoke to Ethan with a giggle. Ethan opened his mouth and Robyn Lofty and Max all gathered round to get a look in.

"You haven't got any..." Lofty stated confused.

"That's right" Ethan replied.

"He got them taken out eventually but that's at least mid-way in my story" Cal replied.

"He would constantly have tonsillitis, since he was about one and a half all he would do is cry about his sore throat" Cal explained.

"I've never known pain like it, it was horrible, it hurt just breathing, never mind swallowing or God forbid talking!" Ethan explained.

"Meaning Ethan didn't talk, barely ever." Cal concluded.

"So in your father's eyes Ethan was the kid that would never say a word and you were the kid that would never shut up?" Lofty asked understandingly.

"Exactly! He would NEVER talk if he had a sore throat and if you caught him on the unlikely day when he didn't- he had probably the worst stutter I've ever heard" Cal teased lightly.

"...It was pretty bad" Ethan admitted as he held his head down.

"Aw that's so cute!" Robyn announced.

"But none of this is making us understand why you hated your dad?" Max pointed out.

"Ah my dad" Cal sighed as he was brought back on track again. "Because I was so energetic and my father was a doctor, he couldn't accept the fact that I was just an energetic kid, there _had_ to be something more to it than that, there had to be _some_ sort of diagnosis..." He explained, "He managed to riddle it down to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD as it's most commonly known" Cal stated.

"Oh Cal, I'm sorry we didn't know" Lofty spoke sympathetically.

"It's fine Lofty I don't have it, I never did" Cal replied as he shot a glance at Ethan.

"Wait, so you were wrongly diagnosed? By your own father?" Robyn asked in shock.

"Wrongly diagnosed? That's like seriously dangerous, right?" Max questioned.

"And so the story begins..." Cal replied as he clapped his hands together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone. Thanks for the reviews on my last chapter; I'm glad you're all looking forward to this story as am I writing it. In this next chapter we step back in time to the very beginning as Cal looks back during his story as to why he dislikes his father so much. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter two

"Caleb, this is your little brother" his mother smiled.  
The small boy stood up on his tip toes to look over the cot of the even smaller boy who slept.  
"What's his name?" Young Caleb asked.  
"It's Ethan" she whispered.  
"Hello Ethan!" The boy yelled excitedly causing the baby to jump, his tiny fingers spread out like little starfish, his face scrunched up and he let out a wail in fright. Caleb stepped back in confusion what had he done wrong? He wondered, he only said hello...  
His mother picked up crying baby Ethan and held him in comfort.  
"Look what you've done Caleb don't shout, what have I told you about shouting?!" His father snapped as he pushed Caleb back away from the cot and wiped the tears off his youngest son's face.  
"What did I do? Did I hurt him?" He whimpered.  
"You just startled him that's all, it wasn't your fault" his mother smiled.  
"Yes it was his fault, we've only just got the baby asleep and he's up again now, go to your room Caleb!" his father yelled over the baby's cry.  
Tears welled up in young Caleb's eyes and he hurried up to his room.

"I think you're forgetting he's only a baby too, he's just excited" his mother explained softly.  
"He's always 'just excited', that's your excuse for everything he does" his father scoffed in reply.  
"He's a very energetic little boy" she replied as she rocked little Ethan gently side to side.  
"He's energetic alright! I've got a good mind to get him tested for ADHD, he drives me mad-" his ranting was cut off as a device beeped from his belt. He looked at it and then looked back up at his wife debating whether to leave it or not.  
"Go" she smiled, he shook his head, "you're needed at the hospital just go, we'll be fine here won't we?" She whispered as she tapped Ethan's nose.  
"I'll be as quick as I can" he promised as he kissed her, kissed young Ethan's forehead "I've got a feeling you're definitely going to go far little Ethan, let's just hope your big brother doesn't drag you down eh?" he whispered.  
"Oh don't say that, I'm sure Caleb is going to do just fine" she argued confidently. "Yeah fine for a builder or a bin man or one of those idiotically overpaid football players, whereas this little one, I reckon he could follow my footsteps into medicine, maybe even be a brain surgeon, who knows?" he winked before he hurried out of the door and off to work.

"Caleb, would you like to hold Ethan?" She proposed as she walked into her oldest son's room where he sat on his bed hiding his face away.  
"No" he sniffed, "he hates me, I made him cry" he whimpered.  
"He doesn't hate you Caleb, you just frightened him a little bit, he's only a very tiny baby so we have to be quiet around him okay?" She explained softly as she took a seat on the bed beside him, he still kept his head buried away in his knees.  
"He hates me like daddy hates me" he announced.  
"Daddy doesn't hate you, why would you say that?" She asked.  
"Because he always works and then when he doesn't work he shouts at me to leave him alone and go to my room all the time, he hates me" he cried.  
"No he doesn't, he's just a very busy man" she replied as she kissed her son's blonde hair. Caleb took in a deep breath, "where is he?" he asked knowingly.  
"He had to go into work" His mother replied hesitantly as she stroked his hair. "I thought so" he sniffed in reply.

"Look, Ethan's looking at you" she announced changing the subject.  
Caleb looked up from out of his knees at his little brother who lay in his mother's arms looking up at him wondrously; he completely fell in love with his younger sibling instantly.  
"He has brown eyes like you do" he smiled, "I have blue eyes like daddy" he added.  
"That's right" she smiled.  
"Hello Ethan, I'm your big brother Caleb, I'll always look after you" he whispered as he took hold of his brother's tiny hand. Ethan wrapped his fingers around his older brother's thumb. They sat there like that for a few moments before Ethan fell back asleep.  
"Can he stay in my room tonight?" He asked, his eyes still completely captured by the baby.  
"Oh no, not until he's a bit bigger Caleb, he'll be staying in mine and daddy's room for now, unless you want him waking you up every hour wanting a bottle of milk or his nappy changing?" She joked.  
"I wouldn't mind" Caleb smiled wondrously at his sleeping baby brother.  
"When he's a bit older" she whispered as she kissed his hair once more.  
"I'm going to teach him how to play football so he can play with me because daddy doesn't play with me, Ethan can be my best friend" the boy decided.  
"He can't even hold his head up yet and you're already planning on playing football with him" his mother chuckled.  
"I can't wait" Caleb grinned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone. Here is today's update; we jump a bit further ahead for the next couple of chapters to learn more about the relationship between young Caleb and his father. I hope you all enjoy, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

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I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter three

Caleb: 7 years old. Ethan: 5 years old.

It had just gone 2am. Caleb sat on the couch with his blanket pulled over his head playing on his game boy; this was something he had been doing for the past four hours. He heard the front door open and sighed, this would be the end to his fun. The blanket was pulled from over his head and he looked up to find his father stood before him.

"Good night at work?" Caleb asked awkwardly.

"What are you doing up at this time Caleb?" His father demanded.

"I couldn't sleep because of Ethan's snoring" he replied, "mum told me not to play my game boy in the room because it might wake him up so I came downstairs to play it instead" he explained.

"Get to bed Caleb" his father sighed.

"Can't I just finish this level?" His son begged.

"No!" He replied firmly as he snatched the console from his hands.

"There's no point in me going to bed because I can't sleep with Ethan's snoring!" He protested, "Please give it back so I can play it in my room dad?" He whined.

"No because it might wake Ethan" his father replied with a yawn as he undone his tie from around his neck.

"What so it's okay for Ethan to wake me up with his stupid snoring but it's not okay for me to wake him up with my game boy?" He asked confused.

"Ethan is ill Caleb, you're just annoying" his father replied.

"Well then if he's ill, make him better! You're a doctor, all you care about is work, if Ethan was one of your patients you would have made him better by now" Caleb argued.

"I'm looking into it! I'm too tired for this Caleb get to bed" his father replied.

"Come on then, what's his diagnosis? What's the name for the thing you think he's got? Like how you keep telling mum you're convinced I've got that DAHD thing and how you want to get me tested when you think I'm not listening" Caleb sighed knowingly.

"ADHD" his father corrected, "I should get you tested for dyslexia whilst I'm at it" he laughed to himself, Caleb looked at him confused.

His father sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Ethan has obstructive sleep apnoea" he stated.

"What?" Caleb asked confused.

"His tonsils are oversized and it makes it hard for him to breathe so it causes him to snore" his father explained as he picked something up from the table, "What's this?" He asked as he held it.

"Ethan got a certificate in school for spelling or something" Caleb shrugged, "I scored two goals today in football" Caleb added proudly.

"Good for you" his father replied as he read Ethan's certificate.

"Yeah, my coach says I'm going to be a professional player one day, he's taking me to one of the stadiums to play soon so the professional under 12s managers can see me play, it's like audition to get on the team" he spoke but got no reaction from his father who still examined his youngest son's certificate so proudly, "I've just got on the year six team too..." He added, "I'm only in year three" he mumbled quietly to himself as he realised his father wasn't paying any attention to him at all, "but of course you're not proud of that whereas-" he snatched his younger brother's certificate from his father's hands and read it "Ethan can spell: 'cat', 'bad', 'van', 'bin' and 'because' and your pride is glowing?! Dad I'm going to be on TV, playing football, making millions of pounds!" Caleb spat out.

"That's, good" his father shrugged awkwardly as he took the certificate back and hung it on the fridge door.

"Why can't you be proud of me dad?" Caleb questioned.

"Become a doctor Caleb, actually do a job that is worthwhile and for filling, instead of encouraging gambling and anger by kicking a ball around a pitch for ninety minutes and getting paid millions for it. Save lives, carry on the name of Doctor Hardy and then I'll be proud." His father replied.

"Ethan isn't a doctor yet you're proud of him every single day?" Caleb asked.

"Because Ethan is the complete opposite of you!" His father spat out angrily, "that's enough to make me proud"

Caleb froze in shock as tears built in his eyes due to his father's words, "you know, I stayed up because I couldn't sleep yes, but I also stayed up so I could tell you about how I did in football today too...because I thought you would be proud of me" Caleb whimpered.

"Well, you thought wrong" his father shrugged.

Caleb turned slowly and head up the stairs to bed.

* * *

"Caleb! Ethan! Breakfast is out!" Their mother called up the stairs.

Both boys waddled down the stairs with a yawn.

"Good morning boys, how did you sleep?" She smiled as they sat down at the table.

"Terrible! Mum I need my own room, please! Ethan snores so loud I don't sleep all night" Caleb begged.

"Oh sweetheart his your throat sore again?" She spoke softly as she cupped Ethan's face in her hands, he nodded slowly.

"Let's see lovely?" she asked as she gently pulled down his chin so his mouth opened up and she looked inside, "It does look sore, I'll get you your medicine, do you want to stay off school today?" She suggested.

Ethan shook his head eagerly.

"Ah that's my boy, top of the class our Ethan is" his father ruffled Ethan's hair as he hurried into the kitchen and soon hurried back out again and off to work.

"I don't want to go to school today" Caleb announced as he pushed his bowl away.

"And why's that?" His mother sighed as she sat down beside him.

"Because I just don't want to that's why" he replied as he folded his arms.

"Nice try, you're going to school Caleb" she replied as she ruffled his hair.

"But why? You let Ethan stay off all the time!" He argued.

"That's because Ethan is very poorly all the time" she explained

"He only has a sore throat! He probably puts in on half the time too" Caleb continued with his arguing as he shot a snarl at his younger brother.

"Oh Caleb you know that's not true" she sighed.

"' _Top of the class_ '" he mimicked his father's voice, "how can he be top of the class when he doesn't even talk?!" He spat out angrily, "I'm top of the class in PE, I'm the captain of the football team and the rounders team and the netball team! But obviously that means nothing to dad because it's ' _just sport_ '" he mimicked his father's voice yet again.

"Speaking of PE, don't you have it today?" His mother asked trying to change the subject.

"Oh yeah!" He called in realisation, "come one we're going to be late!" He called excitedly as he hurried to the door.

"Um" Ethan mumbled, "C-C-Cal-" he could only ever manage to get half of his brother's name out due to his stutter.

"It's Caleb not Cal, and what?" He sighed in reply as he stood impatiently at the door.

Ethan wondered into the hall and handed his older brother a bag which contained his PE kit.

"Oh, thanks" Caleb replied awkwardly as he took it. "Come on, let's get you boys to school" Their mother smiled as they left the house.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone, here is today's update. A continuation from yesterday's chapter so it is still the same day. I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts, thank you, Kayxxx :)**

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I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter four

"You punched someone?!" His mother spat out angrily as she took his hand and hurried him out of the school doors.

Caleb shrugged.

"Who did you punch?" She asked.

He shrugged yet again.

"Why did you punch them Caleb?" She urged.

Shrug.

"Right that's it Caleb Hardy! We're not leaving this spot until you tell me everything, I've had enough of this attitude, you're 7 years old for god sake, not 17, act like it!" She shouted as she halted in the playground.

Caleb looked up at her in shock "...you shouted at me" he mumbled, "you never shout at me, only dad does..." He continued warily.

"I try and try to stay on your side Caleb but when you pull stunts like this it's hard" she replied firmly.

"I punched a boy in Ethan's class" he started.

"You punched a five year old boy?" She asked in disappointment.

"Actually he's just turned six" he replied sarcastically.

"I hit him because he was being horrible to Ethan, he was making jokes about how he talks and everyone was laughing at him and it made him cry so I hit the boy to shut him up. Only _I'm_ allowed be horrible to Ethan, that's _my_ job" he explained.

"Oh Caleb, it's nice that you're looking out for your brother but hitting someone is wrong" she sighed, "you need to leave him to fend for himself sometimes" she explained.

"Fend for himself? Mum he doesn't talk the second he leaves the house! And when he really really has to i-it-it sou-sound-s-s l-l-l-like, th-th-thi-s-this" Caleb explained mimicking his younger brother's stutter.

"I know" his mother sighed sadly.

"Your father is looking into getting him to see a speech therapist" she stated.

"Please don't tell dad about me being sent home from school mum" Caleb pleaded.

"I'm afraid he already knows Caleb, the school called him" she explained.

"Oh he's going to kill me" he sighed as he kicked a rock on the floor.

"I'll tell him you were sticking up for Ethan, it'll be fine" she forced out a smile.

"No it won't be fine, _it's dad."_ He replied, "And I've missed PE!" He sulked

* * *

"You got sent home from school?!" His father shouted.

Caleb looked to his mother for help but she held her head down, he looked back to his father and nodded sheepishly, "...for sticking up for Ethan though" he added in hopes it would lighten his father's mood.

"I don't care. Your education is the most important thing in your life Caleb I don't want you screwing it up." He protested.

"It's okay, I gave him a tissue to hold to his nose that was bleeding, I told him to tilt his head forward, you know, me being Doctor Hardy and all" he replied sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

"Don't start with your attitude Caleb" his father warned.

"But I-" Caleb was cut off.

"Don't "but I" me, hitting someone is wrong regardless of why you hit them, I don't want to bring up a bully" he shouted.

"You wouldn't bring up a bully because you're never here to bring me up anyway! You're always working! And when you're not all you do is send me to my room" Caleb shouted back.

"That is not true!" He protested.

"What, so I'm not getting sent to my room then?" Caleb looked up at him knowingly.

His father hesitated for a moment before he spoke out, "yes you are. You have behaved badly and so you need to learn from the consequences"

Caleb turned toward the door but stopped just before it, he turned around to face his father and looked up at him "I hate you" he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Caleb! You don't mean that" his mother spoke in shock.

"Yes I do, I hate you" he said it once more before he turned and head slowly up the stairs.

"Caleb! Get back down here right this instant, how dare you!" His father roared up the stairs after him.

Caleb stopped mid-way up and spun around "one minute you're sending me to my room, the next you're calling me back down, how about no?! You're the one that needs testing, not me!" He roared angrily as tears built in his eyes. He darted up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door before either of his parents could say another word. He pulled his bedside table in front of his door as a barricade, slid down to the floor and allowed his tears to fall. He'd never told his father that he hated him before, though it wasn't so apparent until now. He thought once he said it he would instantly regret it but he actually felt some relief, he was a terrible father, to _him_ at least...

* * *

Many hours passed and he still sat in that same spot on the floor. He heard small footsteps making their way up the stairs and stop before his door, the handle moved but the door didn't open because of the barricade he had created. There was then a gentle knock on the door, Caleb stayed put and listened, he knew it was Ethan but he just didn't want to see anyone right now.

He could hear his younger brother struggling to get out his words through the door, taking in deep gasps of air repeatedly. The type Caleb would take if he were about to scream, however, for his brother, this was his protocol just to speak due to his severe stutter, "um" he managed to mumble before he started his deep breathing again, "C-C-aleb?" He managed to call eventually.

Caleb sighed, he knew how hard it was for his younger brother to just say his name, he would usually just stop at "C-Cal". He pushed his bedside table back to its original place and opened the door for his brother who looked up at him sheepishly.

Caleb rolled his eyes and went to lie on his bed facing away from Ethan but he felt his younger brother sit down on the bottom of his bed.

He looked over his shoulder "what?" He snapped, "leave me alone Ethan I don't want to talk to you" he huffed and faced away once more.

He heard Ethan take in a deep breath "l-l,l let, m-me, t-talk, t-then" his younger brother spoke out slowly. Caleb sat up and looked at him stunned, "did you just talk? Like just say a full sentence?" He asked in shock.

Ethan nodded and took in another deep breath. Caleb watched his brother struggling, his facial expression turned to a grimace as it twitched and his eyes closed tightly in concentration, it completely amazed him. "Um-" he swallowed hard, "I-I've, b-been, um, practi-practicing" he smiled as finished though left breathless from his struggles.

"That's amazing Eth! I'm really proud of you" Caleb praised as he nudged him, "does mum and dad know?" He asked excitedly.

Ethan shook his head "I wanted, y-yyou, to, to, know first" he replied, "we'll k-keep, it our, s-secret for now" he added causing Caleb to smile.

"T-thank y-y-you for-" he paused as he couldn't get the rest of his sentence out.

"Ethan take your time okay? You don't have to rush with me" Caleb spoke softly.

Ethan smiled and took a deep breath, "...for sticking up f-f-for m-me, today"

"I'll always look out for you Eth, you know that right?" Cal asked. Ethan nodded in reply.

He stood up and pulled his duvet off his top bunk onto the floor and then pulled his older brother's one on top of it, he raised his eyebrows as he looked at Caleb.

"Fine" he sighed, "dad's already annoyed at me it can't get much worse right?" He giggled.

Both boys hurried to the top bunk and took it in turns to throw themselves off onto the safety of the duvets below. This was a game they'd play a lot though their fun was soon cut short when their father would come up and yell at Caleb for all the banging, this time however, they got the chance to play for as long as they liked, maybe now their father had finally given up on treating Caleb like crap.

Hours passed. He lay there, listening to his younger brother snore so loudly; wondering if he would ever get to see sleep again. The sound of Ethan's snoring echoed around his head, even when he placed a pillow over it in attempt to drown out the awful noise. He knew his little brother couldn't help his snoring due to his sleep apnea and his majorly oversized tonsils but he felt so tired he could cry. He tossed over and saw his younger brother's arm drooping from the top bunk where he slumbered so deeply. He sat up in his bed and flicked young Ethan's hand, causing him to stir slightly though he kept on with his dreadful snoring. A mischievous smile grew across Caleb's face instantly. He threw his duvet onto the floor beside their bunk beds and took hold of Ethan's hand. He counted to three in his head and tugged on his brother's hand hard causing him to fall from his top bunk with a scream. Ethan held out his arms in attempt to break his five foot high fall onto his brother's duvet on the ground, which seemed to help, though there was a loud crunching sound which he couldn't figure out where it had came from. Caleb had jumped back into his bed and pretended to be asleep. Ethan let out a slight smile; it admittedly was quite funny though he wasn't going to let that show...

"C-Caleb, y-you idiot!" Ethan roared as he jumped onto his brother's bed and began wrestling with him instantly.

"You fell!" Caleb chuckled as he grabbed his brother's arms, stopping him from hitting him.

"N-no I n-never!" Ethan shouted as he continued to fight his brother's grasp.

"Well maybe if you didn't snore so loud!" Caleb spat out as he pushed his younger brother causing him to fall backwards off his bed and hit the floor once more.

Tears welled up in the small boy's eyes as he sat up and held his right arm with his left.

"Ethan don't cry!" Caleb whispered in realisation as he shot up out of bed and at his brother's side, "it was meant to be a joke".

"I-it r-r-really hurts" Ethan whimpered as tears poured from his eyes.

"Shh, Ethan shut up dad will kill me! Stop crying okay I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Look, if you stop crying I'll teach you how to do keepy-ups and I'll even wash the dishes when it's your turn for the next week- the next two weeks! Ethan please just be quiet!" Caleb begged.

Ethan's quiet crying had stopped, but only because he had taken in a deep breath in shock of the pain he was experiencing shooting up and down his arm.

"Nibbles?" Caleb asked confused as to why his brother wasn't breathing and his face was turning a beetroot red colour, "Ethan breathe!" He shouted worryingly as he shook him.

Ethan let out his breath along with an extremely loud scream of pain which seemed to echo around the street, never mind just the house.

"Jesus Ethan!" Caleb called in shock as he covered his ears, protecting them from the eardrum piercing cry his young brother had let out. The sound of two feet hitting the ground hard was also another sound that echoed its way around the house.

"Oh no" Caleb mumbled and jumped back up to lay in his bed.

"What's going on in here?!" Their father demanded as the bedroom door swung open and the light shot on.

"He fell" Caleb spat out quickly as he sat up, squinting due to the brightness of the light.

"No, I n-never" Ethan whimpered through his cry as his father picked him up.

"Yes you did!" Caleb protested.

"Tell the truth Ethan what's happened? Try to speak this is really important son" His father spoke softly.

"C-Caleb pulled me, I fell, m-my, my arm, it's h-h-hurting a l-l-lot" He sobbed into his father's shoulder.

"Can you wiggle your fingers for me?" He asked.

Ethan tried; "No" he discovered and threw his head back down onto his father's shoulder.

"Right okay, we're going to have to get you to the hospital" his father sighed as he handed the sobbing boy over into his mother's arms.

"I'll get my coat" Caleb spoke as he jumped up.

"No you won't, you'll stay here. You're not going anywhere near him, do you not understand how stupid and dangerous what you did was Caleb?! You're lucky he's only broke his arm and not his neck you idiot!" His father roared at him.

"Am I staying here alone?" He whimpered.

"I'll call Nanny and Grandad and one of them can sit with you, I'm going to have to sort out your behaviour Caleb this has gotten too far now" he shook his head in anger.

"I'm sorry" Caleb whispered.

"Ugh I can't even look at you" he scoffed and stormed out of the room.

"Mum?" Caleb called out the door; his mother appeared in to door way with his younger brother who still cried painfully in her arms. She had placed the small boy's parker over his shoulders in attempt to protect him from the coldness of the night outside.

"What Caleb?" She sighed in disappointment.

"I didn't mean to hurt him mum, I'm sorry, I really am" he whimpered.

"I know" she replied understandingly.

"Do you hate me?" He asked in dread.

"Of course not" she replied with a slight smile.

"I-I do" Ethan mumbled, muffled by his mother's embrace.

"I'm so sorry Ethan" he called sadly.

"He'll be okay" she smiled and left the room.

Caleb sat on his bed, haunted by what had just happened, he didn't mean for any of this to happen...he couldn't even think of a viable reason why he did it, out of his small family Ethan was the one he liked the most and Ethan too felt mutually. He would never purposely cause his little brother any harm, thought he knew his father would think otherwise...he listened until his younger brother's cry had disappeared into the distance as his parents hurried him into the car and drove away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello everyone, here's today's update. I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know your thoughts, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter five

Ethan nudged his sleeping brother with his good arm in attempt to wake him; he stirred slightly but remained asleep so he tried once more. Caleb opened up his eyes and realisation grew across him instantly, "Ethan!" He called frantically "how's your arm?" He asked.

The younger boy held up his right arm to show off his cast.

"Broken wrist in two places" their mother stated from behind him.

"Oh I'm so sorry Eth" Caleb sighed sadly but Ethan pulled him in for a forgiving hug.

"I'll leave you two to play but don't be jumping off any beds!" She warned as she kissed both their foreheads and left the room.

Ethan shut the bedroom door after their mother and turned back to Caleb, "y-y-you c-can sign, I-it" he whispered as he pulled out a sharpie from his pocket and held up his cast once more.

"Do mum and dad still not know you're talking now?" Caleb chuckled as he took the pen.

Ethan shook his head.

"Why not Eth? Imagine how proud dad will be of you" Caleb continued as he wrote on his brother's cast.

"I d-don't w-w-want him t-to, be" Ethan replied.

Caleb looked at him confused.

"Don't you- h-have, f-football, today?" Ethan asked changing the subject.

Caleb looked down, "yeah but I don't want to go" he sighed.

Ethan was now the one to look confused, "y-you l-l-love foot-b-ball?" He asked.

"I don't like it that much anymore" Caleb shook his head.

"That's a s-shame" Ethan sighed, "I-I wanted to watch y-you t-today" he added.

"What really? You wanted to come to the match?!" Caleb asked stunned.

Ethan nodded.

Caleb paused for a moment to think before he jumped up out of bed "okay then, let's go!" He called excitedly as he got his football kit on.

* * *

"Mum have you seen my boots anywhere?" Caleb called as he kneeled down checked under the couch, Ethan checked under the other couch.

"I think they're in the yard sweetie" she replied.

Caleb darted quickly out into the yard passing his father in the kitchen in the process, then hurried back through holding his blue studded football boots by the laces.

"We're going to football!" he announced as he grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge.

"'We'?" His father asked.

"Yep, Ethan wants to come" Caleb replied as he handed a bottle of water to his little brother.

"Why on earth would he want to do that?" His father scoffed.

Caleb shrugged "he wants to watch me" he replied.

"But why?" His father questioned.

"B-b-because I-I'm, p-proud of h-him" Ethan spoke out sounding confident though only he knew inside how nervous he was feeling.

Both their parents stood frozen in shock as they looked down at the five year old.

Ethan took hold of Caleb's hand and hurried him out of the house quickly.

"T-that shut h-him up" Ethan giggled. The pair laughed together as they ran down the street hand in hand.

* * *

They ran all the way to the local football pitches where a crowd of boys and their parents stood around.

"Ah here he is!" One of the boys called as they spotted Caleb hurry through the gates.

"Jesus Caleb we thought you weren't coming!" Another boy sighed with relief as he ran up to him and put an arm around his shoulders as they walked.

"Do you really think I'd leave you lot in the semi-finals?" Caleb spoke sarcastically.

"Ah here's our captain" his coach called as he high-fived him, "ready win another game?" He whispered as he put his captain band around his arm.

"As I'll ever be" Caleb replied confidently.

"We're two boys down today" his coach sighed.

"What really?" Caleb snapped as he looked around at his team mates who surrounded him, "who's off?" He asked.

"Ben and Simon" his coach replied.

"Oh great" Caleb spoke sarcastically, "we don't need them anyway" he added as he kneeled down to swap his trainers for his football boots.

"Who's that?" One of the boys asked pointing over to Ethan who stood slightly back from the group looking in awkwardly.

"That's my little brother" Caleb replied as he gave him a wave proudly.

"Call him over Caleb, I'd love to meet him" his coach proposed, he was so used to young Caleb coming on his own, he never did have any relatives to watch him play.

"Nibbles!" Caleb called and Ethan walked over slowly.

"Hiya kid, I'm coach Peters but you can call me Johnny, everyone else around here does" the coach introduced himself to Ethan with a handshake.

"Or coach JP" one boy chuckled causing the rest of the team to laugh, including Ethan and the coach.

"I'd rather you didn't call me that lads, it makes me sound like a rapper" he shook his head with a smile.

"So what did you do to your arm?" A boy asked as he poked Ethan's cast.

Ethan opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Everyone looked at the young boy confused.

"He doesn't talk that much" Caleb explained.

"Is your real name Nibbles?" Another boy asked.

Ethan shook his head.

"No his name's Ethan, Nibbles is just his nickname" Caleb replied.

"Nibbles is cooler" another boy announced causing Ethan to smile.

"Can we sign your cast after the game Nibbles?" A boy asked as he read Caleb's signings.

Ethan nodded enthusiastically.

Ethan stood at the sideline a few feet away from where all the parents of the other boys chatted amongst each other, he heard a few of them talking about him wondering why such a small boy was alone but Ethan was too intrigued by his brother's game to care what they said.

He ran back and forth on the sideline as he followed the ball being kicked at both ends, he cheered when Caleb's team scored and booed when the other team scored. The parents by now had found that watching Ethan was much more entertaining than watching their son's play.

He watched as one of the boys on Caleb's team got tackled and walked off the pitch crying, half time was called.

"W-what's h-happening?" Ethan asked as Caleb ran over to get his drink.

"I don't know but if Joe doesn't come back on the pitch we'll have to forfeit the game, we won't have enough players to carry on" Caleb sighed as he sat down on the grass.

"B-b-but it's t-the semis?" Ethan asked.

"I know, we'll drop out the league" Caleb sighed once more.

Johnny looked over and gave Caleb a shake of his head; Joe wasn't coming back out to play meaning they couldn't carry on.

"Great" Caleb huffed as he threw his water bottle to one side and held his head in his hands.

Ethan sat beside his brother and watched as Johnny talked with his team and the parents, all were looking over at them; suddenly Johnny started to make his way over.

"Hey kiddo" Johnny called as he reached them, "do you fancy stepping in for Joe?" He asked Ethan.

Caleb looked towards him excitedly "yeah Eth come on!" He urged.

Ethan looked at them in shock "I, I-I, d-don't k-k-know h-how" he stuttered badly.

"I've been watching you from the sidelines, you look like you followed pretty well, just do what you saw the other lads doing" Johnny explained, "you'll do fine kiddo, even if you don't touch the ball once it's fine, at least we can continue eh?" He whispered as he kneeled down beside him.

Ethan shot a look at the disappointed look on his older brother's face and then the same look that etched the other team mates face's too and nodded slowly, "yes that's the spirit matey!" Johnny smiled as he ruffled his hair.

"Yes Nibbles!" The boys cheered as Ethan walked onto the pitch sheepishly looking down, he wasn't at all prepared. Before today he'd never even seen a game of football in play, he was already wearing shorts and a t-shirt, luckily Johnny had some spare shin pads, socks and boots that were oversized. Ethan was small for his age whereas all the other boys were at least two years older than him and all tall for their age, he looked tiny and lost within the rest of them but he didn't mind, he was actually quite excited to share the pitch with his older brother.

Both teams took their places for the second half kickoff.

"Thanks Eth" Caleb whispered as he showed him where to stand, "you'll do fine okay?" He smiled.

"Right lads, we've got a player on the pitch with a broken arm so keep the ball low and let's not play rough yeah?" Johnny announced to both teams and every single pair of eyes on the pitch moved towards Ethan; he felt his heart jump into his throat.

The game continued with the ball staying on the other side of the pitch meaning it stayed way out of Ethan's way for the majority of it which was relieving for him though he kept eagerly following everyone's move; he didn't want to let Caleb down.

"Last minute!" Johnny called from the sidelines. Both teams were drawing, if neither team scored within this minute it would go to penalties.

"Nibbles!" He heard his brother call.

He looked towards Caleb and he kicked the ball right across the pitch to his younger brother's feet.

Ethan froze.

He saw a stampede of boys running towards him but he was frozen still.

"Nibbles turn and shoot!" Johnny called from the sidelines.

"I-I-I c-c-can't" Ethan shook his head; the pressure was far too much.

"Thirty seconds!" Johnny called.

"Ethan please, just try!" Caleb pleaded from across the pitch.

He took in a deep breath and turned away from the stampede of boys with the ball at his feet and head for the goal, almost tripping over a few times due to his oversized boots and the fact he'd barely kicked a ball in his life. He stopped before the goal and looked towards the giant rather intimidating goalkeeper who stood before him " _there's no way he's under twelve_ " Ethan thought to himself as he swallowed hard.

"Shoot Nibbles!" One of the boys called reminding him of the reason he was before this goalkeeper in the first place.

He could hear the stampede getting closer. He closed his eyes and kicked the ball towards the goal; at least, he hoped it was towards the goal, there was no way in telling because he still had his eyes closed.

The end of game whistle blew. "Yes!" He heard people cheering, but was it his team or the other team? He was too scared to open his eyes.

"Did he do it?!" Caleb called; he had his hands covering his eyes as he too was too scared to watch.

"He did it!" Johnny called back.

"What?" Caleb asked in disbelief and ran towards his brother who stood covering his eyes.

"D-Did I-I d-do it?" He mumbled as he felt Caleb hold him.

"You did it Nibbles!" Caleb replied as he shook him.

Their team ran towards them to celebrate all chanting the word "Nibbles!" as they patted him on the back and high fived him. All the boys hung around to sign Ethan's cast so there was no longer any white left visible, it was completely covered in writing and doodles. Caleb and Ethan made their way back home both completely bursting with excitement; Ethan was wearing his 'Man of the match' medal proudly around his neck.

* * *

They both walked into their house and saw their father sat at the table doing work, their mother was in the kitchen.

"How was the game Caleb?" She asked.

"Amazing mum, we won 3-2 we're in the final" he announced proudly.

"Oh that's great news, well done son I'm very proud" she smiled as she kissed his hair.

"Guess who scored dad?" he spoke as he walked up to him, he would never speak to his father voluntarily.

"You?" His father sighed as he kept on with his working.

"Well yes obviously, I scored two" Caleb replied confidently.

"Great" his father replied sarcastically.

"But guess who scored the third?" He spoke mischievously, his father looked up at him warily due to the tone of his voice, "Ethan" Caleb announced.

"What?!" His father spat out as he looked towards his youngest son.

Their mother appeared from the kitchen once more.

"Yep, if it wasn't for him we would have had to forfeit" Caleb explained as he put his arm around his little brother.

"You let him play football with a broken arm Caleb?!" His father roared as he stood up and kneeled down before young Ethan, inspecting him as he held him close, "he shouldn't even be out of bed never mind running round a field Caleb you idiot"

"But dad he-" Caleb was cut off.

"You break his arm and then you put him on a pitch full of older lads to play football, are you out to hurt him or?" His father spat out as he hugged Ethan tightly.

"Dad he did amazingly, and he's fine look- not a scratch on him, why are you making such a big deal out of it?" Caleb asked confused.

"Because it might not have gone so smoothly Caleb!" His father shouted.

"Well done sweetie, looks like both my boys are going to be sports champions" their mother smiled as she kissed Ethan's cheek.

You could practically see their father's blood boil.

Caleb and Ethan smiled at each other knowingly.

"What's this eh?" He asked as he looked at Ethan's medal, Caleb opened his mouth to speak but his father cut him off.

"Man off the match?" His father read it; Ethan nodded and smiled at him.

"What a load of junk" his father spat out as he tugged on it, snapping it from around Ethan's neck, "junk like this won't get you into medical school Ethan" he huffed as he walked into the kitchen and threw it in the bin.

Tears built in Ethan's eyes as he watched his father, Caleb put his arm around him in comfort.

"Playing football with a broken arm, I thought you were smarter than that Ethan, much smarter." his father shouted as he shook his head, the tears now poured from the child's eyes. Ethan wasn't used to getting shouted at.

"Why are you crying?" His father asked, changing his tone instantly, "what's up son?" He whispered softly to the sobbing boy. He sighed deeply and went to retrieve Ethan's medal from the bin, he placed it in his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Why can't you just let them be kids?" their mother spoke out.

He stood up and grabbed his briefcase, "I'm going to work" he announced sternly and he left suddenly.

"Come on son let's get you your medicine" their mother led Ethan to the kitchen. Not only was he on his usual medication for his tonsils but also his broken arm now too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone!**

 **Here is the next chapter which I hope you enjoy, we finally get into the part people have been waiting for in this story, please let me know your thoughts as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter Six

Caleb lay in his bed, from yet another sleepless night due to his younger brother's snoring. He didn't know what time it was but he could see outside was bright, therefore meaning he'd spent the entirety of the night awake. He was now the owner of the top bunk as his father "doesn't trust him enough to allow Ethan to go back up to the top bunk in case Caleb decided to pull him back off again" " _pathetic"_ Caleb thought to himself, it had been a week since the accident which caused Ethan's wrist to snap in two places. Although, Caleb secretly always wanted the top bunk, who didn't? He lay looking up at his ceiling that was completely covered in glow in the dark star stickers which had been there since Ethan moved into his room four years ago when their father decided it was time to decorate. By now he had forgotten about these stickers, as he'd spent the last few years of his life on the bottom bunk therefore meaning his view when he looked up was the bottom of Ethan's bed. He'd spent all night counting these stars, over and over, coming to the conclusion that there were 35, no, 37...36? Ugh. He'd begin the cycle again. Four years ago, these stars would illuminate their room each night, though now they dimly shone down on them, which was still a great achievement for the four year old stickers. He heard his parents getting up and his mother stop before their door knocking on it lightly, "boys, would you like pancakes for breakfast?" She called quietly through it.

"Yes please" Caleb answered for both of them, Ethan was still too deeply asleep to even hear his mother's words.

Caleb literally hadn't slept at all last night, "Ugh breakfast" he groaned as he rolled over in his bed causing Ethan to stir.

* * *

"Oh Ethan you look terrible" his mother announced as he walked into the living room with a yawn. His skin was pale; he had black shadows underneath his eyes. She felt his forehead with the back of her hand "oh sweetie you've got a temperature" she stated as she felt it.

"Go and lie down on the couch and I'll bring you in a glass of water" she proposed as she kissed his hair.

He hobbled over to the couch and lay down "throat again buddy?" His father asked, Ethan nodded slowly.

"I'll talk to one of my colleagues today in work and ask them to have a proper look at you okay son? I'll make you better" he promised. Ethan nodded once more and closed his eyes.

His mother walked back in with a glass of water and put it down on the arm of the couch where Ethan slept "I feel so sorry for him, the poor thing he's constantly ill" she whispered as she stroked his hair.

Caleb sat on the floor bouncing a tennis ball at the wall and catching it as it bounced back to him. Ethan lay asleep on the couch behind where his older brother played.

"What's the point in having a little brother if he's always too sick or too tired to play with me?" He sighed as he caught the ball.

"It's not his fault sweetie" his mother replied.

"I know but, it's just annoying" Caleb stated as he hit the ball hard off the wall so it flew passed his head and hit the glass of water that his mother had left on the arm of the couch beside Ethan. The glass fell and the water poured out all over sleeping Ethan waking him up instantly.

"Caleb!" His mother called.

"I could see that happening" his father tutted.

Ethan sat up and inspected his damp t-shirt.

"Hey, hey Ethan Ethan look!" Caleb called trying to get his younger brother's attention, "now you're awake do you want to go outside and play catch?!" He asked excitedly as he held up the tennis ball. Ethan pulled off his wet t-shirt and turned his body away from his older brother lying back down to sleep.

"Oh come on!" Caleb shouted angrily.

"Ethan told me that he doesn't want to play football anymore" he stated, "what have you said to him?" He asked his father knowingly.

"I haven't said anything to him, he must have just finally seen how it's a waste of time" his father replied. Caleb shook his head angrily.

"Caleb why don't you have a nap too? You don't get much sleep with Ethan's snoring each night, you could probably do with a little sleep" his mother proposed.

"No way" Caleb protested, "I'll never sleep in the day I made a pact" he stated.

"With who?" She asked confused.

"Myself, it's a waste of hours, I could be playing football or tormenting Ethan which is a much better way of wasting hours" he replied. His mother shook her head with a smile.

"Dad, do _you_ want to play catch?" He asked, oh how desperate he was to make conversation with his father.

"Oh, um" his father paused to check his watch, "I've got to leave for work now Caleb" he replied.

"But you're not in until 8? It's only 5:30!" Caleb stated.

"Early bird catches the worm as they say" his father replied awkwardly as he picked up his briefcase ready to leave.

"How about just one game dad? As soon as the first person drops the ball the game is over?!" Caleb suggested.

His father looked over at his wife who gave him daggers in reply, he sighed deeply "okay then why not, pass the ball" he spoke unenthusiastically.

Caleb's face lit up; finally he was getting all he'd ever longed for; to spend time with his father. He tossed the ball to his father but he dropped it; he couldn't have made it look more deliberate if he tried, "oh looks like I dropped it, game over" he shrugged and picked up his briefcase once more.

"What? No that doesn't count it's okay we can-" Caleb's pleading was cut off.

"Caleb, I'm leaving for work now" his father spoke sternly and left.

"...okay, maybe another time then" Caleb mumbled quietly to himself as he looked down.

"Why don't you go outside and play with the football Caleb?" His mother suggested.

He sighed deeply and went out into the backyard.

* * *

An hour had passed Caleb was outside playing and Ethan still slept on the couch though his mother had noticed something strange about the young boy's breathing. Every few minutes as he would take a breath in he would stop breathing, only momentarily however, it was scary to witness, she decided to call her husband.

"It's Ethan" she called down the phone, "he keeps stopping breathing when he's asleep I don't know what to do" he explained worryingly.

"Calm down, it's just his apnea honey that's what it does" he replied calmly.

"What so all this time my son has been stopping breathing in the night and I didn't know? He could die" she replied as tears brimmed in her eyes, "it's never been _this_ bad" she added, "we have to do something, we can't leave him living like this it's not safe or fair" she pleaded.

"Okay I'll sort something out today" he replied, "wake him up, give him his medicine and then bring him here to the hospital, I'll meet you outside" he stated.

"Okay" she sighed with relief, "Caleb!" She called into the backyard, "you'll have to go to Nanny and Grandad's, I've got to take Ethan into the hospital" she called and the boy walked into the house.

"No, there's no need, bring Caleb too" her husband called down the phone.

"Bring Caleb?" She asked surprised. Caleb too was surprised, his father never wanted Caleb to go to his workplace, it was as though he was ashamed to show him as his own.

"Yes, I'll meet the three of you soon" he replied and the phone went dead.

She paused for a moment before she looked up at Caleb; "right, looks like you're coming with" she smiled.

"Ethan" she called as she gently shook him, he always took a while to wake up; it was a part of his apnea. He eventually opened his eyes and looked up at his mother, "is your throat hurting son?" She asked.

Ethan tried to swallow but it caused him a serious amount pain, the small boy's hands shot up to his mouth covering it in protection and tears poured from his eyes.

"Here have your medicine it will make you better" she spoke sympathetically as she held up a spoon with the medicine on but Ethan shook his head, still covering his mouth, his eyes still pouring with tears. Taking his medicine meant swallowing and swallowing meant pain.

"Come on Eth you only have to swallow two spoon full's and then we'll go to the hospital, they'll make you better there" Caleb spoke out as he looked over his mother's shoulder at his younger brother. Ethan nodded and just about managed to take the medicine, his mother then rushed him to the car and they made their way to the hospital where they met their father who was dressed in his blue scrubs as his work uniform.

* * *

"Right Ethan, open wide, stick your tongue out and say "ah" for me" the doctor smiled as she got her torch at the ready. Ethan got as far as opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out but that was it.

"He doesn't talk" Caleb stated, "well he does, but he get nervous around new people and anyway when he does talk I-it s-s-sounds l-like t-t-this and everyone in school laughs at him" he explained, Ethan held his head down in embarrasment.

"He never talks when his throat is sore" his mother added.

"Right so he has a stutter?" the doctor asked looking toward his father.

"Yes, it's quite severe" he replied.

"We'll soon sort that Ethan don't worry, I'm in contact with a few excellent speech therapists" she smiled. "Okay from what I can see, his tonsils are extremely oversized, their like two big golf balls in there" she joked causing Ethan to giggle, "there's a few white spots back there too, obviously him having tonsillitis is effecting his quality of life, his speech being the main issue, also his sleep apnea causing him to lose sleep at night and causing fatigue of a day, then there's him being bullied at school, I think surgery would be for the best, I'm surprised it's taken your long to bring him into me Doctor Hardy" she addressed their father.

"I've been meaning to get round to it-"

she cut him off "not to worry" "Right okay Ethan, I'll book you in for surgery and you'll be tonsil free by next week" she smiled as she clicked on her computer, "how's Friday?" She asked.

"Friday is fine" his father replied.

"Friday it is then, I'll tell you all about it in more detail later on Doctor Hardy but now for the real reason we're here..." She looked toward Caleb who wasn't even listening. He sat on his chair swinging his legs and looking at the posters on the walls around the room.

"Caleb?" She asked, he didn't respond.

"Caleb!" His father snapped causing him to jump.

"What?" He asked as he faced the doctor.

"It's 'pardon'. Not 'what'" his father corrected.

"Oh sorry, pardon?" He asked politely.

"Right Caleb can you do me a favour?" She asked. Caleb nodded.

"Can you sit how your brother is sitting for me?"

Caleb examined how Ethan was sat with his back straight, his arms relaxing on his lap and his legs crossed at his ankles and did this too. It took him seconds before he started to jiggle his legs again and lost interest, examining the walls once more.

"Caleb sit like Ethan!" His father demanded.

"I am?" He asked.

"Keep still." He ordered. Caleb hadn't even realised he had started fidgeting again.

"Right Caleb, as your father has probably told you I'm a doctor who specialises in ADHD, do you know what that is?" She asked.

Caleb's heart plummeted. Ethan's did too, he looked over his shoulder at the shocked expression on his brother's face and then at his mother who too had the same expression on her face.

"I'm getting tested?" Caleb whimpered as he fixed his eyes on the ground.

"You didn't tell me about this" his mother hissed to his father.

"May as well kill two birds with one stone" he replied smugly.

"Your father has already told me everything he knows, but, I would like to hear from you, is it okay if I run a few tests out on you? It's nothing to worry about" she smiled.

Caleb nodded slowly.

His parents and Ethan left them in the room whilst the doctor carried out the physical examinations and were called back through straight after.

"Right he does have the common symptoms of ADHD; fidgeting, easily distracted, not listening, being hyperactive as you have already informed me about" she addressed his father, "however his physical examination leads more towards a lack of sleep, he told me about how he doesn't sleep much at night due to young Ethan's apnea and so I'd put his symptoms down to that, he also told me that he's very stubborn and doesn't like to take naps during the day but I've told him about how much he'll miss that opportunity when he's older" she laughed, "but Ethan's apnea should stop after he gets his tonsils removed on Friday and will start sleeping properly again, so you'll have two perfectly healthy children" she concluded with a smile as she turned to face her computer once more. Caleb, Ethan and their mother all let out a loud sigh of relief, but his father sighed angrily.

"He's been acting like this since before Ethan was born though" his father argued.

"You're two years older than Ethan right?" She asked Caleb who nodded, "almost three" he added.

"Terrible twos" she shrugged.

"'Terrible twos'" his father scoffed, "I'm a doctor, I know full well when someone has a problem with sleep or ADHD, do you think I'm stupid?" He snapped.

"Good, well, then you should know that Caleb hasn't got ADHD and has in fact a lack of sleep" the doctor argued.

"Don't you tell _me_ about _my_ son, Ethan has sleep apnea and yet he doesn't have a behaviour like Caleb-" she cut him off.

"Ethan sleeps during the day" she shrugged.

"Caleb has ADHD and if you don't write me a prescription for some medication to settle his behaviour then I'll write one myself" he threatened.

"Dad-" Caleb pleaded but his father cut him off.

"Not now Caleb" he spoke silencing him.

"Right okay, I'll write you out a prescription to last a week, when Ethan comes in for his operation I want to see Caleb back here again, if I'm not happy with how he is on the medication I will take him off it instantly and write on his notes that he isn't to have it, to stop you from pressurising anyone else into diagnosing him, understood?" The doctor snapped.

"Yes fine, it's what he needs" his father replied.

"Right Caleb, I want you to take your first pills with me now okay?" She smiled.

"Pills?" He swallowed hard, "why can't I have medicine like Ethan?" He asked.

"Ethan only has medicine because his tonsils are too big for him to swallow pills" she replied.

"Come on open up, you seem like a brave boy, I'm sure you can swallow two little tablets right?" she smiled.

Caleb took the tablet and placed it on the back of his tongue, sipped from the glass of water and swallowed it and repeated it again with the next one.

"Perfect, they will probably make you feel a bit drowsy Caleb okay? It's nothing to worry about" she smiled.

Caleb fixed his eyes on the ground and nodded slowly.

"Right I'll refer Caleb to the therapist too, it's a precaution we take out with everyone with Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, it's proven to help" she explained.

"I don't want a disease" Caleb whimpered.

"It's not a disease, it's a disorder" the doctor corrected.

"It's the same thing, it has the word "dis" in it, that means I'm not normal" he sighed.

"No it doesn't son" his mother sighed sadly as she kissed his hair.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone, here's the next chapter, we dig deeper and deeper into the story of why Cal hates his father. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight - Chapter seven

"Why w-will my sleep a-a-apnea stop w-when I h-have surgery?" Ethan asked from the back seat of the car as they drove home from the hospital.

"Because you have _obstructive_ sleep apnea, it's your big tonsils that cause it" his father replied.

"W-when t-t-they take my tonsils o-out, will t-there, be-be l-l-lots of blood?" The boy asked.

"Oh yeah, lots and lots of it" his father replied.

Ethan giggled excitedly, "C-can I-I-I see i-it?" He asked.

"No you'll be asleep sweetie" his mother replied.

"Oh" he spoke in realisation, "c-can y-you v-v-video it so I-I-I can see?" He asked causing his parents to chuckle.

"Become a doctor and you won't need to video it, you'll be doing the operations yourself" his father replied.

"I will" Ethan grinned, "c-can I k-keep my tonsils l-l-like w-when y-you get teeth t-taken out at-at the dentist and t-they g-give y-you them in a bag t-t-to keep?" He asked.

"No son" his father laughed.

"They give you your teeth so you can put them under your pillow for the tooth fairy, you can't exactly put your tonsils under your pillow now can you?" His mother asked with a chuckle.

"I-imagine h-how much m-money she w-would leave m-me!" He giggled.

"God I've never heard you talk so much" his mother spoke amazed.

"I c-can't w-w-wait" he grinned.

"I thought you'd be in on all this gory tonsil talk Caleb" his mother called but got no reply from the older boy.

"He's f-f-fallen a-asleep" Ethan giggled as he saw his brother drooping down in his seat out cold.

She turned to look at sleeping Caleb surprised, she felt his forehead with the back of her hand and gently titled his head back upright so he didn't hurt his neck but it soon bobbed back down again.

"Oh this isn't like him at all" she spoke concerned.

"It'll just be the medication kicking in he's fine" their father replied as he looked at his sleeping son in the rear-view mirror.

She took his seat belt off from across his body and gently guided him so he was lying down across the seats.

"I-is he okay mummy?" Ethan asked as he looked down at his brother.

"He's fine, he's just sleepy from his tablets" she replied as she stroked Caleb's hair.

* * *

They pulled up outside their house and all got out though Caleb was still asleep. His mother managed to wake him enough to get him indoors; he dragged his exhausted body into the house being steadied by his mother and his brother and went straight to the couch to lie down.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" His mother asked as he lay himself down; he didn't reply.

"C-C-aleb c-come a-and play outside?" Ethan asked.

But again, Caleb didn't reply instead he closed his eyes and drifted back off to sleep within seconds.

"h-he n-never turns d-down play" Ethan sulked.

"I know honey he's just a bit tired right now, why don't you go and play in your room for a while whilst I get dinner ready?" She proposed and Ethan disappeared upstairs.

"Are you sure this is normal?" Their mother asked concerned as she walked into the kitchen where their father was sat reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of tea.

"I've been given the rest of the day off work today, I don't plan on being doctor for anyone" he replied as he sipped his tea but his wife still looked through the door at Caleb asleep on the couch with worry etched on her face.

"Medication can affect people in different ways. If you ask me this is the best way it could have done, I mean listen to that-" he paused and both of them listened momentarily.

"Listen to what?" She asked confused.

"Exactly...silence! There's no sound when Caleb sleeps, it's great" he smiled as he sipped on his tea once more.

"What if he hasn't got ADHD though? The doctor seemed pretty confident-" he cut her off as he stood up.

"Hey hey listen, I know what I'm doing yeah? That doctor knew nothing, she doesn't even know what he's like, you really think I'd allow my son to be wrongly diagnosed?" He asked as he took hold or her hands.

"I don't even think he was that bad behaved, that's just him being him" she replied as she still looked through at Caleb.

"Look" he whispered as he gently turned her face to meet his at a kiss, "trust me okay?" He smiled reassuringly as he kissed her once more.

* * *

"Caleb sweetie, dinner is ready" she whispered as she gently shook his body.

He opened his eyes and looked at her confused, "when did we get home?" He asked with a yawn, his voice was hoarse from his slumber.

"A few hours ago" she replied warily, "you walked in and went to the couch don't you remember?" She asked.

"Did I?" He questioned as he thought back, "nope I don't remember, Eth do you want to go and play football in the park after dinner?" He asked as he wondered into the kitchen. His mother watched him surprised at how back to normal he was.

"O-okay" Ethan nodded in reply.

"Football?" His father asked with a sigh, "I thought those tablets would help put a stop to all this football nonsense, they are no good to you if you just sleep them off Caleb" he added as he shook his head angrily.

"Leave him honey, you'll get used to them won't you son?" Their mother spoke as she kissed Caleb's hair.

He sat down at the table and his father placed a cup before him.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Your pills" his father replied.

Caleb took the cup and examined it, "I've crushed them up into the drink so you don't have to swallow them" he explained.

"Oh, thanks" Caleb replied awkwardly.

"Drink up" his father smiled.

Caleb sighed deeply and began to drink it but as soon as the liquid hit his taste buds he stopped "ew that tastes awfu-" his father cut him off by pushing the cup back to his mouth.

"It's important you drink the lot Caleb it's your medication" he explained as Caleb finished.

They continued to eat their dinner at the table, Ethan's tonsils being the main talk as Caleb had missed most of the talk by falling asleep in the car, his father watched his oldest son warily as if he were waiting for something.

A good half an hour passed and everyone was pretty much finished with dinner.

"Right boys, we'll go to the park and-" she was cut off when Caleb dropped his fork on to his plate causing a loud clatter to rattle around the kitchen.

"...sorry" he slurred as he picked it up once more.

Everyone looked at him warily before she continued again, "...okay, Ethan go and get the ball from the yard and we'll-" she was cut off once more as Caleb put down his cutlery and pushed his plate away.

"Actually mum I..." His voice trailed off as his head bobbed down, "...is it okay if I just go to bed instead?" He mumbled as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Of course" his father spoke out as he helped Caleb to his feet and he hobbled upstairs leaving everyone in stunned silence.

"Right Ethan can you scrape the plates off into the bin please son? I just need to talk to your father" she asked as she pulled his father into the living room.

Ethan nodded and began collecting the plates together.

"This isn't right, I feel like we've taken his personality away from him, did you see how quickly he changed? This isn't right" she shook her head in worry.

"You're kidding me right? This is pure bliss!" He replied with a chuckle as he walked over to the couch and pulled out a book.

Meanwhile Ethan had collected all the plates and had them ready to scrape. He grabbed the first plate and opened the bin, just as he was about to scrape he noticed something in there. He picked it out; it was Caleb's tablets except...it was empty, but...where could they have all gotten to? He thought to himself, Caleb should've only taken four as of yet, but, the whole packet was gone.

"How's the scraping going buddy?" His father asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Ethan quickly stuffed the empty packet into his pocket and smiled at his father.

Something wasn't right...


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone, here is today's update, where did Caleb's pills get to? I hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter eight

"I-I-I loved t-tonight mummy" Ethan grinned as he walked upstairs, his mother followed behind.

"Me too" she replied.

"I'm r-really good a-a-at Jenga" he continued.

"You are, much better than me and your daddy" she smiled.

"W-we n-never spend t-t-time as a f-family" Ethan stated, "I w-wish C-C-aleb was a-awake to p-play too" he sighed.

"Me too sweetie" she whispered as they walked into the boy's bedroom.

Caleb lay asleep on the bottom bunk on his front lying diagonally still fully clothed, as if he had passed out the second his body hit the mattress.

"H-he's on m-my b-bed" Ethan moaned.

"Well, you can sleep on the top one for tonight; I doubt he's going to pull you off tonight is he? He's very tired" she replied as she sat down next to Caleb on the bed and stroked his hair, "God, he's burning up" she spoke concerned as she felt his forehead with the back of her hand, Ethan looked over her shoulder at his older brother, "Caleb honey, wake up" she called as she shook him, he didn't react.

"Ethan go and get your father" she ordered.

"B-but he's a-asleep, he h-has work-" Ethan replied.

"I don't care, get him up quick" she replied frantically.

Ethan hurried out of the room.

"It's going to be okay Caleb, it's going to be okay" she whispered.

Their father and Ethan appeared in the room "this better be good" he huffed.

"It's Caleb" she spoke worryingly, "he's boiling, he won't wake up" she added as she stood up.

His father jumped into action, "Caleb can you hear me?" He called as he inspected him, "Caleb!" He called. He placed two fingers beneath his jawline, "he's got a pulse..." He stated as he felt it "he's unresponsive..." He stopped for a moment to think, "Ethan go and get my briefcase from my office please" he ordered, Ethan quickly hurried back to the room with his father's briefcase. He took out a torch and flashed it in Caleb's eyes, "his pupils are responding normally" he stated he then placed a stethoscope on his son's back and listened momentarily. "Caleb wake up" he shouted as he shook his body frantically, "come on son, wake up" the boy began to stir slightly letting out groans in response to his father's shouting, "Caleb!" He opened his eyes and looked at his father, "don't mess me about like that Caleb" his father warned, Caleb rolled his eyes "I feel weird" he mumbled as he sat up, everyone paused awkwardly as they watched him.

"H-he's wet t-the b-bed" Ethan announced, "my b-bed" he added.

The older boy looked down at his pants to find a damp patch by his crotch "I'm sorry" he mumbled, as father pulled him by the scruff off his neck off the bed, his mother held him in her arms.

"Even when you're asleep you're still annoying" his father huffed as he began to strip the bed.

"I'm sorry" Caleb sobbed as his mother held him.

"It's okay sweetie, it's not your fault" she spoke softly as she helped him undress.

"I'm sorry" was all he could say as he cried, he'd never felt so embarrassed in his life. "...I feel weird" he whimpered as he pulled on his pyjama top, he then darted to the bathroom and dropped before the toilet, heaving into it repeatedly his mother sat on the side of the bathtub rubbing his back.

"This isn't right" she stated as their father appeared in the doorway.

"I think he's had a seizure" he stated.

"A seizure?!" She spat out, "what makes you think that?" She asked frantically.

"Well, he wasn't unresponsive he was just in a deep sleep, plus he lost bladder control which is a common symptom...after seizures people tend to want to sleep, deeply, it's like your brain has just ran a marathon within the space of a few seconds so you sleep, to allow yourself to rest and recover" he explained.

"But, why would he have a seizure?" She asked as Caleb pulled his head from out of the toilet, breathing deeply.

"M-maybe it's t-this" Ethan announced as he pulled out the empty tablet packet.

Realisation grew across their parents instantly.

"Where have they all gone?" His mother called as she inspected her eldest son.

Their father saw a great opportunity unfold, "where did you get these Ethan?" He demanded, "Did you give Caleb all these tablets huh?" He continued, not giving the young boy a chance to speak, "do you not understand how dangerous that is Ethan?!" He roared as he towered over him.

"N-n-no I-I-I..." Ethan couldn't get any words out.

His father picked him up and carried him into his bed room "C-C-Cal-" he cried as he took him away.

"Ethan I know you never gave them to him okay son? But we can't tell mummy okay?" His father whispered as he kneeled down before him,

"W-why d-did y-y-you do I-it?" The small boy whimpered.

"I don't know, it was a stupid mistake, but we'll keep it our little secret okay?" He smiled.

"Y-you need t-testing!" Ethan roared as he climbed up the ladder to the top bunk.

"How is he?" Their father asked as he walked back into the bathroom where his wife had a phone held to her ear.

"What are you doing?!" He called as he snatched it off her.

"Calling an ambulance" she replied.

"No you can't- imagine how pathetic it would make me look when _my_ colleagues show up at _my_ house to treat _my_ son...I'm a doctor for god sake!" He shouted.

"He needs medical help he's had a seizure" she snapped as she snatched the phone back.

"Well he can have it here off me; look he's fine, aren't you?" He asked as he looked down at Caleb he stood beside his mother, he nodded slowly in reply.

"There see, he's fine, there's nothing we can do for seizures, plus he's probably vomited up half the tablets he's took, there's no point in taking him to the hospital I'll look after him here, he's passed the worst now-" as he finished his speech as if on cue, Caleb began to sway back and forth slightly before his body plummeted to the floor and he encountered another seizure, "oh great" his father sighed as he grabbed a towel and placed it beneath Caleb's head as protection.

"I'm taking him to hospital" his wife spoke sternly as she wiped her tears away from her face and picked up her limp son.

* * *

 _Present day..._

"What so your own dad overdosed you?" Robyn asked stunned.

"Yep" Cal nodded as he looked up at her and flashed a smile before he looked back down and fixed his eyes on the ground.

"But...why?" Lofty asked.

"I've never been able to suss that out actually, maybe it was to see what my limit was or maybe so I didn't go to the park to play football I have no idea" he shrugged, "he wasn't right in the head but he knew what he was doing- he wouldn't have killed me, if he wanted to do that he would've gave me more tablets" he added confidently.

"An innocent seven year old boy" Robyn shook her head in disgust.

"I'll always remember that night, it was horrible" Ethan spoke with a shudder as he looked over at Cal.

"I was just embarrassed mum kept telling the doctors in the hospital I'd wet the bed" Cal chuckled.

"Did you take the blame for the tablets Ethan?" Lofty asked.

"Yes, though it was clear to everyone how he ended up having them all" Ethan replied with a shrug.

"I took my first pills in the hospital, then slept all the way home, woke up for dinner where my dad gave me a drink with my pills crushed up in it and I went back to bed and crashed out again...where was the opportunity for anyone else but my dad to give me the overdose?" Cal shrugged.

"Did your mum confront him about it?" Max asked.

Cal shook his head, "No, mum would never upset dad, she was completely head over heels in love with him" Cal scoffed as he thought back.

"Our father was what you would call a lady's man, he was very attractive, very smart and a doctor what else would a lady want? I think mother was just afraid of losing him to someone else, he constantly had female attention" Ethan sighed.

"He was sleeping with a nurse from work, he had an affair with her for years" Cal added as he shook his head in disgust, "Mum knew it was going on too, even we knew he was up to something" he added.

"Did you get to play in the final?" Max asked.

"What?" Lofty and Robyn asked confused.

"Football, you won the semis right?" Max asked.

"Oh, no, in fact, I never played football again, I didn't have the energy" Cal sighed in reply.

"Wait...so they didn't take you off the pills after that?" Robyn spoke amazed.

"Are you kidding? My dad just got all he'd ever longed for- my diagnosis. There's no way he'd let that slip, he kept me on them for years" he replied.

"What about your mum? Surely she had a say?" She asked.

Cal and Ethan shot a glance at her knowingly.

"Oh, yeah...of course" she replied awkwardly.

"So are you still on the tablets now or?" Max asked awkwardly.

"No" Cal chuckled, "I was kept on them ones until I was about 15 and then he changed them to stronger ones I can't even remember what they were called but they seriously messed with my head-" Ethan cut him off.

"Cal that's enough of that story now, let's go to the pub" he spoke as he stood up.

"Are you kidding? This just got interesting! Cal carry on" Max urged.

"...these new pills were really strong-" Ethan cut him off again.

"He was on them for a year then he got off them, moved away when he was 18 to go to university and never back home again that's it- now can we go to the pub?" He asked as he reached the staffroom door.

"No!" Max, Robyn and Lofty all yelled simultaneously as they impatiently awaited the rest of Cal's story.

"It's okay Ethan" Cal smiled reassuringly but Ethan shook his head. Cal turned to face his colleagues on the couch and took in a deep breath, "these pills, they messed with my head...I, um, I became depressed pretty quickly-" Lofty cut him off.

"Oh Cal I'm sorry, now I get it Ethan. You don't have to continue" he smiled sympathetically.

They stood up to leave, but Ethan didn't budge, he was too deep in thought...


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! H *Just a warning about this next chapter there is talk about self harm and depression and so if you are triggered by these things please** ** _please_** **don't read!* Other than that I hope you enjoy this chapter, we jump ahead a bit than we have been and see a 14 year old Ethan trying to think of ways to help his 16 year old brother Caleb. Please let me know what you think as always, thanks, Kayxxx :)**

* * *

I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter Nine

"Therapy seemed to work...for a while, but then dad changed his medication and now...now, he's completely different, even more different to his old pills, he's not even tired anymore it's like he's just...given up. The other day we went to get the bus to school and he just walked out into the road, he didn't even look, he just stepped out and it was as though he didn't even realise until I shouted him and he looked back at me with this expression on his face like he was lost but it's the new pills, they're messing with his head. He doesn't have ADHD, I've been doing research of it in the library and at school and Caleb doesn't have it, I could bet my life on it. Atomoxetine, it's a drug that helps the chemical imbalance in an ADHD patient's brain...but Caleb hasn't got ADHD, therefore there isn't an imbalance of chemicals for the drugs to help sort out, meaning they're just messing with his head basically and if wrongly prescribed they're known to cause side effects like major sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts...plus dad uses a higher dosage with him than he should have. I just feel so useless, I can see my own brother fading away right before my eyes and I can't stop it. There's a moment, one of my favourite moments, every morning, Caleb always sets his alarm for an hour earlier than he needs because he knows when he wakes up that he's slept off his pills and he's normal again, and, he just lays there in bed looking up at the ceiling, and I can only imagine how that must feel...to have the feeling of just pure normality for a few moments before you're drugged up again and sent packing. Dad has started working even more recently, Caleb keeps saying it's because he's got a girlfriend in work but I disagree, mum and dad love each other, I know it. Caleb, he's just sad and moody all the time, and I know he's 16 and a 'classic teenager' but this isn't Caleb, his way of being a teenager would probably involve different types of drugs...alcohol and cigarettes, not the illegal kind, though alcohol and cigarettes are illegal at his age- but that's not the point- if he was off the pills he would be out enjoying his life, being happy, he'd have a girlfriend and he'd go out all the time but he doesn't. He sits in our room, alone and it's the pills. He always wears the same jumper, this blue and green stripped baggy jumper that he never takes off, I can't remember a time when he didn't wear it and to be honest, I'm worried for what there might be when he finally takes it off...he must be hiding something." He sighed deeply as he fixed his eyes on the ground "look, I just want my brother back...I just don't know how" he whispered.

"Ethan, it's nice that you trust me enough to share these thoughts but I'm your speech therapist, not a psychiatrist. I'm here to get you talking properly, which was a bridge we had crossed by time you were seven. I do enjoy these checkups to see how my patients are doing but I'm not here to discuss your private life." His therapist replied.

"Please you have to help, I trust you, you made me better why can't you make him better too?" Ethan pleaded.

"You were never ill Ethan, you got better on your own, I just gave you some exercises to try out and boosted your confidence slightly, I couldn't have done any of that if you didn't try, you had a stutter...what your brother has seems much more complex, to the untrained mind at least" she replied.

"I think he's depressed" he stated, ignoring her completely.

"Oh Ethan, you're incredibly smart for such a young boy, you always have been even since I met you for our first session when you were five and you could barely get out a clear sentence-" Ethan cut her off.

"No, if I were that smart I could help him, or at least try and think of a way to, I'm scared of what he might do to himself, I just want him back to normal" he replied.

"There is no position where I stand on this situation but, I think you know what you have to do Ethan, you kept saying it yourself "it's the pills" "it's because of the pills" "when he's on the pills"" she raised her eyebrows.

"The pills" Ethan spoke in realisation, "thank you"

* * *

He lay in his bed, looking over at his older brother who slept in his bed at the other side of the room. He had a plan in mind, though to actually put it into practice was risky...but surely the few risks would be worth it right? He was snapped from his thoughts when he saw Caleb sit up in his bed to remove his jumper; he dropped it to the floor beside his bed and lay back down to sleep. He saw an opportunity unfold before him...he got out of bed and slowly walked over to his sleeping brother, being as quiet as possible, and inspected him. He had to look away when he saw the scars covering his brother's forearms, some old, some new. This proved his theory right though the thought of being right on this ached his heart. He came to the conclusion that his plan was definitely worth the risks...

"Caleb?" he whispered, "Cal?" He called again.

"What's up Eth?" Caleb asked as he looked up at his younger brother stood at his bedside.

Ethan hesitated for a moment, "...Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"About what?" Caleb asked confused.

"Anything" Ethan shrugged.

"...okay" Caleb replied awkwardly as he moved over in his bed to allow room for his brother.

Ethan lay down beside him in bed and looked down at his scarred arms "Caleb why are you hurting yourself?" Ethan asked sheepishly.

"Where's my jumper?!" Caleb snapped in realisation as he sat up. Ethan picked it up from the floor and gave it to him.

He put it on and sighed, "Don't tell mum, I don't want her worrying about me" he whispered.

"What about me Caleb? I'm worried about you!" Ethan spat out, "why have you done that to yourself?" He asked.

"I don't know" Caleb shrugged as he lay back down, Ethan looked at him knowingly "I honestly don't, right now when I think about doing it it makes me feel sick but later on today I can guarantee that I'll just hit a point where I think what's the point in living anymore? You know Eth, I get up and take my pills, go to school, take my pills at dinner time then get home and take my pills at tea time, do my homework and go to bed, that's no life Ethan, but at the same time that _is_ my life...is this what my entire life is going to be like? Revolving around pills and prescriptions? What's the point in that Ethan?" He sighed.

"You don't mean that" Ethan shook his head, "it's the pills that make you think like that, you've slept the pills off right now and you feel fine right?" He asked, Caleb nodded, "see, it's the pills teasing you into thinking you hate the way you live Caleb but it's not true" Ethan stated.

"Would you want to live like this Ethan?" Caleb asked. Ethan couldn't reply.

"Remember those stars" Ethan laughed as he looked up at the glow in the dark star stickers on their ceiling that no longer glow at all.

"Yeah" Caleb laughed as he looked up at them Ethan paused to count, "there's 37" Caleb announced stopping his younger brother's counting, "I spent endless nights counting them when I used to stay awake all night because you would snore like a pig" He joked causing Ethan to laugh.

"Remember that time you pulled me off my bed and I broke my arm?" Ethan asked mid-laugh.

"That was so bad" Caleb replied as he wiped away the tears of laughter that had built in his eyes, "remember when we used to jump from the top bunk onto the duvets?" He chuckled.

"That was the best fun ever" Ethan laughed, "We've had some good times" Ethan announced with a happy sigh, Caleb nodded. Both boys still lay stirring at the ceiling.

"Caleb..." Ethan began something he'd been building up for so long, Caleb looked down at his younger brother, "dad said you don't need to take your pills tomorrow, you've got your first exam and so it's best to focus on that" he spoke as he looked up at him.

"He really said that?" Caleb asked in shock.

"Yep" Ethan nodded, "but don't mention it to him, it'll be best if you don't make a big deal out of it" he added.

Caleb looked back up at the ceiling and stayed quiet.

"Cal, what's up? I thought that would make you happy, you can be normal again" Ethan asked confused.

"I can't remember how to be normal Eth, it's been so long I don't know how, the thought actually scares me slightly, I haven't felt normal since I was seven, I'm sixteen now..." His voice trailed off, "everything feels different when I'm on the pills, even the smell of the outside, I used to love going to the park and the smell of the outdoors it made me feel free" he added.

"You can do it Caleb, there's no need to be scared of normality you can live your life now" Ethan smiled, "who knows, you might even get yourself a girlfriend" he winked causing Caleb to chuckle.

"I just want my brother back" Ethan spoke sincerely; Caleb put his arm around him.

"He never left Eth" he whispered in reply.

* * *

The next morning Ethan woke to the sound of Caleb's early alarm and hurried down the stairs before his older brother even had a chance to open his eyes. Last night he had hatched his plan but now it was time to put it into practise. Though, there were a few obstacles he had to overcome along the way...

"Morning buddy, you're up early" his father announced as he walked into the living room.

"Morning dad" he smiled in replied, he daren't think up a lie for why he was up, this plan already involved too many lies.

"Oh sweetie I'll make you some breakfast" his mother called from the living room.

"It's okay mum I'll make my own!" Ethan called back frantically. Two obstacles were out of the way. There was now the final one...he looked up at the top cupboard in the kitchen where Caleb's pills were kept, that had been their home at the highest point in the kitchen since Caleb's overdose nine years ago, though Caleb was now tall enough to reach it, Ethan was still small for his age. He took in a deep breath and grabbed a chair. He looked over his shoulder at his parents sat in the living room reading newspapers and saw his opportunity, he stood on the chair opened up the cupboard and grabbed his brother's medication, all of it.

The plan was in practice. He had hidden all the medication under his bed, no one would think to look there right? He sat eating his breakfast warily watching his brother do the same wondering if he remembered what he'd told him last night but when his brother flashed a smile his way he knew; he remembered. They both stood up to place their empty bowls in the sink as their father entered.

"Caleb, have you taken your medication?" He asked. Ethan's heart jumped to his throat as he watched his brother's eyes shoot a glance towards him and then back at his father, " _I'm dead, dad's going to kill me...Caleb's going to kill me!"_ he thought to himself as he froze on spot.

"Yep" Caleb grinned. Ethan looked at him warily as he shot another knowingly glance in his direction.

"Good" their father smiled, "let me know when you need a new prescription and I'll sort you out" he added, "good luck for you exams today son, I know you can do it" he smiled as he patted Caleb's back.

"Thanks dad" he replied awkwardly, he'd never had so much affection or attention from his father.

"Come on Eth, let's walk to school today" he smiled as he left the kitchen, his younger brother following behind.

"Bye boys, good luck Caleb you'll be fine" their mother called as they left the house.

"I can't believe you" Caleb spat out as he hurried down the street.

"Are you angry?" Ethan asked sheepishly as he followed.

"Ethan this could be dangerous, I've relied on them for 9 years I-" Ethan cut him off.

"I've done research Cal you'll be fine...I think" he muttered the last part under his breath.

"Oh great" Caleb scoffed sarcastically as he continued to hurry away.

"Look you're free Caleb, you can be yourself today and who knows, you might just like it" Ethan smiled.

Caleb stopped his rushing and leaned back against the wall of a house out of sight of their own. He took in a deep sniff of the air and laughed as he released it, "you know what Eth?" He asked, "I think I do" he grinned.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone! Here is the last addition to 'I'd rather be a Knight' I hope you enjoyed, thank you for all the lovely reviews you have left throughout. *There will be a sequel to this story to come***

 **Please let me know your thoughts on this last chapter, thanks for your constant support, Kayxxx :)**

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I'd rather be a Knight – Chapter ten

Two years had passed and Caleb hadn't taken a pill since, never had he felt so free and it was all down to Ethan. He passed his GCSEs and his A levels with flying colours and had just been accepted into university though he hadn't told his parents that just yet...he started going to parties, staying over at friend's houses, he even gotten himself a girlfriend, his parents saw this as him being rebellious though he and Ethan saw it as Caleb gaining himself a life.

"Ethan, did Caleb come home last night?" His mother asked worryingly.  
"Nope" Ethan shrugged in reply as he looked back down to read his revision book - he had his GCSEs fast approaching -  
"I don't think his pills are working anymore" his father huffed.  
Ethan rolled his eyes, "how would you know? You're never here to see us anyway you're always working" he scoffed.  
Just as his father opened his mouth to reply the front door shut, snapping everyone from their trail of thought.  
In staggered Caleb who went straight to the stairs, his plan being to sneak up there before anyone could notice but his uneven heavy footsteps made that impossible.  
"Caleb!" His father called just as his foot hit the first step.  
Caleb sighed deeply at the fact he'd been caught and walked into the living room where his parents stood waiting. He shot a glance at Ethan who looked up at him with a smirk on his face; he then looked down to attempt to hide the smirk on his own face.  
"Do you find this amusing?" His father asked, Caleb sniggered quietly as he leaned his drunken body back against the wall, "well, do you?!" His father snapped.  
"Slightly" Caleb replied causing Ethan to chuckle; he attempted to hide his smile with his revision book.  
"Stop with the attitude Caleb" his father warned.  
"Sorry, I must have worn off my pills" Caleb slurred sarcastically. Ethan laughed knowingly.  
"Yes I think you must have, for the last few weeks actually, you haven't been acting yourself, you've been going out partying, getting drunk, I remember a time you wouldn't even leave your room- it was pure bliss, I've been considering upping your dosage, they've obviously lost their effect" his father shouted.  
"Wow" Caleb spoke out stunned, "you actually are that _shit_ of a father aren't you?" he shook his head.  
"Mind your language Caleb" his mother warned.  
"You know dad you're right, the pills haven't been effecting me, because I haven't been taking them" Caleb admitted, Ethan's smile quickly dropped.  
"I knew something was up" his father replied smugly.  
"I haven't been taking them for the past two years dad" he spat out, "and you haven't noticed because you're never around, ever. I finally have a life dad and it's great, yeah I know I choose to go and get drunk when I could be at home revising but who in the right mind would do that? I went to get tested you know, again, properly this time...I don't have ADHD, I never did" he spoke through gritted teeth.  
His mother shot a concerned glance at his father whose blood quickly boiled and then back to Caleb.  
"What so you mean all this time we've been giving you medication for a disorder that you don't even have?" She asked in shock.  
"Yep" Caleb replied as he folded his arms, awaiting his father's reply.  
"Well it worked didn't it" his father shrugged, "it was nice to have you calm, sleeping and hiding away in your room all the time, it was like only having one child" he smiled as he looked over at Ethan, "you passed your exams, you're probably going to get into medicine and carry on the name of Doctor Hardy. If you weren't on the medication you would still be kicking a ball around a pitch somewhere, you should thank me" his father scoffed.  
Caleb's blood was now the one boiling, he pulled up the sleeves of his jumper to show off his faded scars. Tears welled up in his mother's eyes as she wrapped her arms around him, "this is what those pills did to me" he whispered as his mother cupped his face in her hands,  
"I'm so sorry Caleb, I'm so so sorry" she cried as she hugged him once more.  
"I'll never blame you mum" he whimpered, it pained him to see his mother feel guilt for what his father had done to him, "I'll always blame him though, the monster of a father" he muttered.  
His father fixed his eyes on the ground, "all this time you've been lying about taking those pills, I've been getting them from the hospital for you for years, do you not understand that you are taking them away from a patient that actually needs them-" Caleb cut him off.  
"Ah thank you! 'A patient who actually needs them' you finally said it yourself, I don't need them, I never did!" He roared as his mother stood at his side.

"I think it's best you leave" Caleb spat out.  
"I'm sorry what?" His father asked amused.  
"Leave. No one wants you here, it would be like normal anyway, you're never here" Caleb replied.  
"Don't be so dramatic" his father scoffed.  
"Either you leave, or I do" Caleb threatened.  
"You can't kick me out of my own house" his father laughed. Caleb shot a glance over to Ethan who shook his head at him and then back to his father, he took a deep breath and spoke,  
"Okay then, why don't you tell mum about that slut you've been sleeping with in work and mum, why don't you stop pretending like you haven't know it's been going on for years whilst I go and get my bags?" He suggested and walked upstairs leaving everyone in stunned and awkward silence.

His mother and father entered an argument and he appeared downstairs with his bags.  
"C-cal p-p-please, d-don't" Ethan stuttered as he followed his brother to the door, trying as best as he could to be heard over his parent's yelling.  
Caleb turned back to look at his brother still holding his bags in his hands, "Ethan you're stuttering" he stated sympathetically.  
"P-please don't g-go" he pleaded as tears built in his eyes.  
"I've just got to get out Ethan" he whispered and left the house. Ethan froze, he stood in the hallway listening to the angered yells and shouts from his parents and he suddenly felt anger come over him.

"Stop arguing!" He yelled as he walked into the living room, both his parents paused in shock; Ethan was never one to shout.  
"You! You caused this! All his life you drugged him up because you didn't like how he acted when that was just who he was, he hasn't had a normal life because of you and now he's gone, because of you!" He shouted at his father.  
"...Ethan" his father sighed as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
"No don't touch me, I hate you!" He roared as he shrugged off his father's hand and left the house in search of his brother.

He found Caleb sat at the bus stop with his bags surrounding him.  
He sat down next to him and they stayed in silence for a few moments before Ethan spoke out, "Please Caleb, don't go" he pleaded.  
"I have to Eth" Caleb spoke softly.  
"Where will you go to? Your bags, they were already packed?" Ethan asked confused.  
"I'm leaving for uni Ethan, to study medicine I got accepted and I told them I want to live on campus, to get away from here" he explained.  
Ethan paused in complete shock...  
"Will I see you again?" He asked hesitantly, not really wanting to get answer.  
"...I don't plan on coming back here anytime soon" Caleb admitted.  
Ethan felt his heart ache, "I've only just got my brother back, you can't leave, you can't leave me here, with them to pick up the pieces, please Cal-" Caleb cut Ethan's whimpering off.  
"When you're 18 you can leave too yeah?" He suggested.  
"But I want you to be here Caleb" Ethan protested as a tear escaped his eye, he quickly wiped it away hoping his brother didn't notice.  
"How about this? I'll come back on your 18th birthday and we'll go away together yeah? I'll get you out too" he proposed.  
"Promise?" Ethan whimpered.  
"Cross my heart Nibbles, just two more years" he smiled.  
Ethan looked down and nodded as more tears escaped his eyes.  
"Say it Ethan, just two more years" Caleb whispered.  
"Just two more years" Ethan whimpered.  
"That's it" Caleb smiled as he pulled him in for a hug, "I'll come back for you, just two more years" he ducked down to his younger brother's level and said it once more before he turned to get on the bus. He sat right at the back so he could give Ethan a wave as it drove away.  
"Just two more years, just two more years" Ethan whispered repeatedly to himself as he watched his brother's bus disappear, tears still streaming down his face.  
 _  
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* * *

 _Present day..._

"Wow" Max spat out.  
"I know" Lofty agreed.  
"Have you ever considered writing a book mate?" Max laughed as he put his arm around Cal.  
"Very funny" Cal rolled his eyes with a smirk.  
"No really though, what a story Cal! I like stories with happy endings" Robyn smiled as she looked at the brothers stood side by side, she then left with Max and Lofty for the pub leaving Ethan and Cal stood alone in the staff room.  
"You know, you never did keep your promise, I waited for you" Ethan stated as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.  
"I did actually" Cal replied as he pulled on his leather jacket.  
"What?" Ethan looked up at him confused.  
"I came back on your 18th, as promised, I saw you with mum and dad, you looked happy with them and then I heard dad talking about tuition fees, saying he'll pay them for you Eth and that's when I knew to leave you, I had to work every single day on the side of university to pay my way, I'd just failed a year to which I had to re-sit, I knew you would've done better with them, without me, and looks like I was right" he laughed.  
"You could've at least called, I'll admit I hated you for not coming" Ethan smiled slightly.  
"And give dad the pleasure of knowing I was going to become his much wanted precious 'Doctor Hardy'? No chance- I'd rather be a Knight" Cal winked as he put his arm around his brother and they left together to join their colleagues in the pub.


End file.
